that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
