actually, I'm a sock model
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
