I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
