I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
