You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
