Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
