just tell him i said nine months
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize