The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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