Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
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I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
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How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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