I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
