Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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