the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Every concussion has its silver lining
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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