You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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