So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
