Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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