Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
