I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
