Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have post one night stand depression
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