hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
