matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
