she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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