We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
