id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
