i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
