He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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