i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
