She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Mom said you looked used
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
