mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
