Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
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It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize