yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
