i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
