I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
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