There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
