tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
All the doctor said was why
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
