somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
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we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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