This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
