Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
