I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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