I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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