i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
