you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
