told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
