i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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