I wish I could punch you in the face.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
