my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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