sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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