You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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