Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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