woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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