if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
