last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
