I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
