When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
