i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
