i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
