Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
