No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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