pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
