i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
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Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
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You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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