So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
