hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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