i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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