He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
