He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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