Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
