Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's blow job season.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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