I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
