Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
