and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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