Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
