Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
