My hand turned me down
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
