We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
