Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the day after is always just damage control
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
